Pain

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Pain is supposed to be felt 
To open it up and clean it feeling the hurt deeply
There are no formulas or manuals for healing
and applying a quick fix to the pain will never heal the wound

For the first time I truly see clearly the real state of me 
A big mess of a crying baby needing love and attention
I manipulate unconsciously 
I can't trust my motives behind my actions
A baby wants something and is possessive of it 
It is not love

I am not yet the diamond
But one underneath an unpolished rock

For the first time I truly see the wounds in me 
And nobody else can help me 
I didn't know the meaning behind the time I spent reading the After series
By the grace of God 
Now I have realized that toward the end of the story that girl realized that she could not fix that boy 
and she needed to work on her own brokenness. 

I see clearly now what I have to do 
I need to let go
Two broken people finding warmth from each other is nothing but a fairy tale
It keeps them from growing and healing 
That passion would either eventually consume them or die forever

I did feel something inexplicably special and beautiful
But I don't have to own it 
Maybe time will help us find each other again
Maybe time will bring light into all of this for something different
Maybe time will bury it and never to be seen again
Thy will be done 












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