Lately, the Spain team's winning of the World Cup again has awakened something in me. It was back in 2010, I witnessed the team that I had supported since 2002 to become a champion. During those years, I also became a person who was able to speak Spanish. Then, fast forward, I moved back home from abroad, I got stuck and lost in life. I feel like that I have been sleeping for at least 10 years since 2015~ 2016 or so... or even longer than that. I am not sure if it is ADHD/AuDHD/AvPD, being an INFP, a 9w1 in the Enneagram or something in my astrology chart (Yeah, I spent years digging into the rabbit hole of typology trying to find explainations for the dysfunction in me), but I see myself letting my life pass by in a hazzy dream. I seriously want to wake up and get myself into action. I got distracted by many things that have been comfort and crutches to me over these years. I can't seem to start doing things that I truly care about. This inability to start doing what truly mat...
I will always love you, even though I am not good at saying these words out loud to you. I don't want it to be a burden to you. I don't understand the shift, nor do you comprehend my love for you. It is deeper than feeling. My love started to grow for you from all the laughter, the silly nonsense we shared, the games we played, the videos we watched, and the supermarket and airport trips you took me to. How could I not love you? Not to mention the rare moments when you opened up your heart and shared your struggles You can't expect closeness without me falling for you. Your withdrawal and pushing me away arrived unexpectedly, with words cutting my heart like a knife. I always mirror what you give me. So, this time, I said some words that prompted you to say goodbye abruptly. You're my sunshine. You make me smile like a sunflower beaming back at the sun. But at times, you're also the one pouring rain on me. Somehow, I have a feeling that I have to let you be, even if...
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