Bleu Neptune

似乎所有發生的事情都是意義的, 一切都環環相扣, 一次一次遇見的人讓我經歷的痛苦， 帶領著我走入內心的那個黑洞， 喚醒我忘記的真正的自我。 因為失去讓我找尋浮木能夠不溺斃，我找到了一個人，但他只是幻影，身上充滿著刺傷我的荊棘。 我又遇見另一個人，他像太陽一般照耀著我，讓我跟到溫暖，我誤認那會是永遠，但沒看到他的陽光身後的黑影跟破碎。我被他一次一次地灼傷了，但是我不願放手，因為我一直記得他的溫暖，只是他照耀的不只是我，他說他從來都不在，我的傷是我自己造成的。 我繼續抓著另一個東西，我抓住了礦物水晶的收藏，但失去了讓我生活無憂的金錢。而這次我選擇沉浸在虛幻的戲劇世間，讓我逃離現實帶跟我的無力感，似乎透過主角跟劇情我也在那些世界裡活過了。 我發現每當接近結局之時，我會不忍去看，並不是不能接受會發生的事情，因為我重看了《蒼蘭訣》，我早已經知道結局，我所不願去面對的是結束之後我又要回到現實，我不願從夢中醒來，因為沒有任何人在那如我愛他一般愛著我。 一部又一部帶領著我到《永夜星河》，我原本以為它不可能跟《長相思》跟《蒼蘭訣》帶給我一樣的震撼，我覺得不可能有能夠超越這兩部的劇了。 《長相思》裡相柳在戰死前不求回報地默默地替小夭完成她所需所想所愛，也不願讓她知道是他所做的，甚至把他從她的鏡中記憶抹去，只願她一生無憂。我看完我無法停止地哭泣，覺得沒有任何可以慰藉我被悲傷啃食的心，一方面我被感動，覺得我必須跟相柳一樣默默地愛著跟付出不求回報，另一方面感受到讓人窒息的孤寂跟絕望，覺得連他的好跟愛都不會被知道跟記得，就如同我所付出跟給予的愛不被看見跟感受到，如同那永恆孤寂的遙遠的冥王星。 而《蒼蘭訣》裡小蘭花跟大木頭的愛深深地吸引著我，東方青蒼一心只看得到跟愛著小蘭花，呵護並寵愛著她，向反對的人確切堅定地展示自己對她的獨愛，彼此雙向奔赴的愛願意為了對方犧牲自己，不可能有比這個更美更真的愛了，這也是我內心所渴望的，但是現實中真的存在嗎？也許只在幻想的國度裡。 因此在這兩部之後，我不覺得還能夠有比他們能勾動我的心了，然後在我不留神地看完《永夜星河》還在困惑未讀懂它的結局時，它也牽動了現實生活中的我。 浮舟最後寫的「人在什麼時候才可以愛另一人愛到100%？不是當我愛你愛到超過愛自己的時候，而是只有當我真心喜歡自己，相信我自己的時候，我才能全心全意真正的愛你」。先讓我有所感悟，讓我想起跟那個人所發...

I knew nearly nothing about baseball but when I randomly picked up the first book of the perfect edition of "Touch" at the library while I was waiting for something to finish downloading on my laptop, I was totally captivated by the series and couldn't stop reading it.  Initially, I thought the drawing was a bit mediocre and it was not the style that I preferred.  Besides, it was difficult to tell the twin apart in the beginning. But I chose to keep reading for killing the time waiting for the download on my laptop. However, the more I read, the more I was intrigued by the simple and sweet story between these three main characters.  Both of the twins had affection for the neighbor girl whom they grew up together with. The younger brother was not only good at his studies but also at baseball. He was both talented and diligent and the star student who was admired by everyone at school. And the girl was also a diligent and smart student with many admirers. She a...

Somehow I really enjoy Japanese dramas these years. And I have found them closer to everyday life and not overly dreamy like the cliched poor-girl-meets-a-rich-man kind of Korean dramas. I was often left feeling more lost after watching dramas of other regions because it made me long for having a prince charming kind of person beside me and that really didn't help my already loner life at all. Besides, another pro of Japanese dramas is that it doesn't take as much time to watch the whole thing as they are usually comprised of 8 to 12  episodes. And the following dramas have inspired, taught, or affirmed me in one way or another. There are also some other good ones I have watched over the years but they don't speak as much to my heart as these ones do. I love the interaction of the lead character with his pet tortoise, George. And in one of the last episodes, when the guy asked his superior at worker, the senior professor, why his mom just left, disappeared from his ...

Years ago I would have avoided watching the show, Lucifer like avoiding something disgusting because of my religious belief. And now I found myself come across path with the show in my journey of deconstruction. I no longer believe that there is a evil persona constantly trying to plot plans to make me fall. I believe, as Mr. Morningstar constantly has to explain himself, that everyone needs to take responsibility of his own deeds instead of blaming the devil. Ironically, I have found myself started to find interest in faith again after watching four seasons of this series. Besides, it cracks me up that Lucifer is so sensitive to every comment about God such as a simple catchphrase like, Thank God. He is simply a guy, devil or not, with a very complicated relationship with his father. Despite his spoken hatred of God, there is a longing for His love deep down inside his heart. He seems to misunderstand everything about his father and create a maze in his own head. The main structure ...

   I was disappointed with the last few books of the manga Goong series. Because it seems to me that their love wasn't really truly genuine as they claimed. If they truly loved each other why would they let go each other's hands so many times after going through so much hardship while no one else was there opposed them anymore. The king and queen and even the parents-in-laws approved in the end. Yet they chose to let go easily despite that it hinted that they got back together in the end.     I feel as if I was played like a fool who faithfully read until the end but found nothing there. This story should have ended way before their divorce and multiple breakups. My heart broke for them each time they tried hard to forget about each other and seeing them getting back together after each breakup really kept my hopes up and believed that they would eventually cherish and finally marry again.     The whole story plummeted when the princess still wanted...

    I just finished reading this manga series called "Les Fleurs du mal" (The Flowers of Evil).  I hadn't read any manga  for awhile before this one. Initially, the plot was a bit eerie and ridiculous. You would have thought what kind of normal teenagers would have followed the orders of someone you barely knew because of a silly thing he did by accident that he could have had explained. However, the more I read it, the more I wanted to know what would happened to them.     Every part that seems surreal and ridiculous is however the exaggerated truth of real life of some people if not all. I especially can relate to living in a small town as a teenager feeling depressed that I would be stuck there living the same old life forever. I remember one day I felt so desperate but I didn't know how to tell that to my family. I was full of this anger and desire in my heart. I rode my bicycle just like the protagonist did wanting to escape or search for something w...