Limerence

Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated. Limerence can also be defined as an involuntary state of intense romantic desire. ----- Wikipedia

Life is full of turns and surprises. I thought that after learning about CEN, Childhood Emotional Neglect and AvPD, Avoidant Personality Disorder in recent years that I have completed my collection of mental problems on top of anxiety disorder, panic attacks, Intrusive thought OCD and dysthymia. Then I stumbled upon Limerence, a condition that made me have strong romantic desire toward another person. Sure, I might really like that person, but that proportion goes out of healthy order. Could it be the Pisces sign that has jinxed me or CEN has played tricks on my attachment issue? 

I have always been a very romantic person at least in my head. I am the type of person who would fly around the globe just to be with someone I love. I used to think that was good. But now I prefer being a more down to earth person. I long for real and meaningful connection. And the worst scenario is I feel completely heart-broken from rejection as if someone died or as if my heart had been cut with a knife. I can never forget the days I spent crying my lungs out in Lisboa over someone I barely knew well. It was not about that person anymore. It is something toxic in me. It is like romance is a drug to me. And I get seriously withdrawal symptoms from not receiving that same kind of desire back to me. From then on, I knew that I had some deep issue but I didn't know there was a term until I asked in a group about my situation and somebody pointed out that I might have limerence. 

To be honest, I don't know how I am ever going to have a healthy relationship until I find some healing from this condition. I look forward to talk about it in therapy. What is really bothering me is I am well aware of my condition now and when I want to make a friend with whom I might like, it starts to turn into limerence. There is nothing wrong with making friend or even being fond of him, but that desire is too strong for early stage or any stages. When I have no one in my mind, I feel freer to be able to focus on tasks at hand. But when limerence happens, I think about that person all the time like a pervasive form of intrusive thought OCD. 

I honestly don't know how healthy couples live their lives without obsessive thoughts or worries over the other half. What is it like to love someone without being obsessive yet still being caring?