España de nuevo

Lately, the Spain team's winning of the World Cup again has awakened something in me. It was back in 2010, I witnessed the team that I had supported since 2002 to become a champion. During those years, I also became a person who was able to speak Spanish. Then, fast forward, I moved back home from abroad, I got stuck and lost in life. I feel like that I have been sleeping for at least 10 years since 2015~ 2016 or so... or even longer than that.

I am not sure if it is ADHD/AuDHD/AvPD, being an INFP, a 9w1 in the Enneagram or something in my astrology chart (Yeah, I spent years digging into the rabbit hole of typology trying to find explainations for the dysfunction in me), but I see myself letting my life pass by in a hazzy dream. I seriously want to wake up and get myself into action. I got distracted by many things that have been comfort and crutches to me over these years. I can't seem to start doing things that I truly care about.

This inability to start doing what truly matters to me is frustrating as if there were a scary creature on the other side that you would get bitten if you dared to cross to the other side. It is not just pure laziness because I don't seem to have problems doing stuff that matters less. The frustration and difficulty of dealing with daily life and the overwhelming feeling of helpessness led to burn out and inaction.

So I don't want to stay asleep anymore. Even though it has taken me this long being in a cocoon, I am able to emerge out like a butterfly like what the Spain team just did.