Reflecting on having a job

Everything should come to an end.
This endless buying cycle of things to fill the void that cannot be filled by any other means
but by simply looking within.
They say, "Stop looking within yourself! Go occupied yourself with others' needs, then you will forget about your pain."
And now I know how wrong they were.

The problem is I never looked within myself hard and deep enough.
Only when I broke away from that crowd that I started to learn more about myself.
Changing is scary. And I am not sure what would happen if I let go of all things.
But I will find out when it happens.

I have lost things that I found my identity with.
But why do I still feel ashamed of not having a job?
It only means that I am still identifying myself with the content of "having a job".
This is the root of the whole problem. And all my pursuing of other things like toys, photos and such are merely the means to help me to forget about the shame of not being able to find the thing to fill in the content of "a job".

I identified myself with that content even when I got a job that's why I was deeply ashamed about what I did because it wasn't an ideal job in my mind. This ego self.
And it is doing the same thing when I don't have that job anymore.