Genesis 5-10 New Story

There was a long interval between writing down my understanding of Genesis 1 and the article now. And during that interval,  I read the book, Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle which has greatly opened up my inner eyes to understand spirituality and Christianity. I am by no means an expert or even a pious follower of any sort of spiritual practice. Yet, I still choose to identify myself to be a "Christian" not because of past affiliation of Christian mission or churches but simply because I know Jesus was who I turned to in the darkest days of my life. He was the sole source I found comfort and relief from. Thus, whatever labels I might have been attached, I know Jesus is my savior.  This beginning has nothing to do with the title of the article but it is important to me to reflect on my spiritual journey all these years.

 Not long ago I found myself in a place of constantly wanting to criticize or questions modern churches and Christianity. I became aware of this state after feeling this bitterness whenever I thought of people in the churches and their hypocrisy. I realized that criticizing and feeling bitter didn't really get me anywhere. I believe that the awareness of my state began after I read an article about finding a new narrative after parting with the past. At the same time I was also on the journey of knowing myself psychologically by searching for the issues I had been struggling with. And I started to understand some of the reasons why I was so uncomfortable in churches and with people generally. I learned that I was an introvert and an INFP, one of the MBTI types, an adult child of emotional neglect and I struggled with avoidant personality disorder as well as the already known issues of social anxiety disorder, general anxiety and depression. So despite that I could find 100 reasons of not liking the churches, I lost all justification to criticize them. The problem is never really about where I was or went to but me.

The bitterness and criticizing are merely the manifestation of breaking up with something. The moment that I realized that I couldn't just stay in that condition forever and I had to start writing a new story of my life, I shifted my focus from that unhappy memory and object to myself. Then a plethora of new questions arise, "Where am I going now?", "Who am I if I am not going to a church anymore?", "Do I really still believe in God ?", "Am I doing something wrong?". Some of these questions came from the old habit of wanting to please others out of insecurity while some that I still don't know the answers. But one day I came across a quote from the book, Alice's adventures in the wonderland and it ceased the anxiety in me.  I am free to create a new story and there is no limitation!

I lost the need to identify myself with a label. And it is from that moment while reading the book, Power of Now that I finally understood the meaning of being a child of God. I never really grasped how I could be a "royalty" of God's kingdom. I always felt like a pauper trying hard to pretend to be a royalty and trying hard to fit into that "club" of good Christians. But I instantly understood the essence when I read the words by Eckhart and looked within, "Underneath your outer form, you are connected with something so vast, so immeasurable and sacred, that it cannot be spoken of..."

All of the above seemingly has nothing to do with the story of Noah and the ark, yet somehow I feel like writing down not only what the scripture meant to me metaphorically but also my own spiritual journey during each reading. To be honestly, I did not want to and refuse to believe the story literally because it really challenged me intellectually. But at the same time I knew the essence of the truth is never lied on the surface of letters and I shall not dwell on how many years the people in the story lived or if the blood actually happened. As soon as I finished writing down my story, I realized that God was writing down a new story of humanity through Noah just as He is through me. 

To me the old world, sinful humans and creatures wiped out by the flood meaning our old way of life and the past whether they were good or bad because by no means do I believe in a God would have slaughtered humans and innocent creatures. So things in the past represent bad habits or thoughts and God's regret of creating humans symbolizing our regrets for the past. The ark is the manifestation of the breaking up from the past. And through struggle and sweats that we break free. I actually think that things in the past could even mean good things in the past and God's regrets also include those precious good memory. Yet no matter how great or how awful of the past was, God wanted to wipe out everything leaving only the true goodness (Noah). Noah meaning everyone's true self in the presence. New story cannot be written if the old and past remained. Thus, no matter how it was in the past, the old is gone and the new has just begun!