Not Going back

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"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man. " ---Heraclitus

I came across this quote from a book I was reading today. It really dawned on me that part of me still held onto my life before moving back here despite it's been 6 or 7 years. I would think about how great it would be if I could go back to this place or that place. And that thought made me happy and sad at the same time because I felt stuck and trapped and unable to get out from here. 

I surely was happier being away from here yet I also had moments of struggles wherever I was. It's really not about where I am but how I am. I want to live and be myself regardless my physical location. It surely is difficult to make friends with people here with whom I don't relate to. I am not sure how it would go friendship-wise as I am not really open up yet. But I surely don't want to miss out the present because of the past and the future. I have got used to and accepted being alone most of time and quite enjoy it. I kinda deem this period of myself as some sort of exodus. 

I am not sure where to go from here and I don't know what really I want to achieve in life anymore and maybe it is good this way. Because it doesn't really matter what I do as long as I love it. I am learning to let go of the labels and limits I have put on myself. I don't have to be anything yet I am free to be anything. 

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