Bleu Neptune

I never knew what acceptance meant until a wise friend told me that I needed it I thought just letting go was enough But I was never able to do that  without accepting things as the way they were I refused to believe what I was told and  I was getting myself in deep by keeping on dreaming for a fantasy that never existed Oh boy it hurts to swallow the truth But it is better off this way I started to have clarity and know what is more important at hand  Yes, I still care But acceptance has etched in my head now It keeps me reminding me to love myself more I am closing a chapter behind me Maybe someday I will be free from this poison Whatever is true and real will remain

Nobody can save me Nor can I save anyone It has always been my own reflection Save yourself...

This is the dance of the present I shall not look back and worry about what is to come For in this moment I am all yours

Everytime I find myself try to hold onto something  I remind myself to let go and let go It is insecurity talking..

Ever since I started talking to him Every insecurity in me comes out It is like a mirror reflecting what is inside of me I cannot point my finger blaming the other Maybe this is a blessing disguised as a struggle I am learning to let go and not to control I am learning about rejection Oh boy it still hurts But I only want him to be happy  Even when it means I won't be the one for him Every time I think of his words of rejection, it stings my heart However, it hurts more with the thought that my existence only causes him pain  Now I finally understand why patient is the first description of love  Oh boy how hard it is not to want to rush it and know the answer now But I will refrain from asking anything prematurely  I will just let it unfold Even if it means that things don't go how I want them to be But I trust that God knows what I need  and everything I experience has a purpose Now I finally realize that I have been chasing after shadow of perfection An ideal ...

I no longer believe there is a type anymore You just love who you love 

This is a journal to record how I feel about him June 1, 2020 I got up the courage to write him, showing him my turtles and tortoises' photos. I enjoyed talking to him very much June 2, It went downhill after deleting him and telling him about my limerence toward him  June 3, We still talked but he wouldn't add me back on FB again I am not sure which day he added me back after we chatted for a few days and I felt overjoyed and I thought he also liked me  And then it all went downhill again one day he was all quiet and I tried to ask him questions to see how he was. Then came the big shocking news that he was getting married to a family friend... I acted all sad and he learned that I liked him. Then he rejected me telling me that he did not like and I was not his type and being an East Asian. :( Oh, and he deleted me on FB From that point, I really thought that would have had been the last time I talked with him. But surprisingly, he still chose to talk to me the next day....