Awakening Chant

I can hear the echo of my empty heart.
But I will be alright. 
I am safe at last, albeit still shaking after departing the storm
I no longer want to participate in this push-and-pull game.

I left without looking back before you could abandon me once more.
Well, you already have when you said your goodbye so easily.
I walked away and stopped talking as you wished.

There will be no revenge, for I want to erase you from my head like we have never met before.
I no longer want to see your face nor hear your name.

A few well-meaning people want to give me prayers.
It is easy to throw around words.
Do they really know the pain or have they walked in my shoes?
I no longer align with what I used to believe
I will sit with my pain and help myself to heal
Yes, I choose myself. 
I choose to embrace the wounded child inside. 

Now I see how cheap being a "good friend" is. 
Now I see how words could be so meaningless. 
Now I see how something you once thought was precious could have been tossed away and replaced with any other trinket. 

"We're not in love, good friend." you said one day unexpectedly.
"You can't control your obssession and infatuation." you added soon after. 
"You just can't get what you want. That's all." you denied that you had anything do with the dynamic as usual as if I could have had magically become attached to something you never helped creating. 
"You cry for the wrong reason." that I never forget. 
Another good that cut deep is "You became nasty and attacked me" after trying to attempt to communicate and confront your actions. 
How dare I trust that you could ever understand me? 

You have never done anything you said that you would do.
The Moomin series we never watched again.
The package of goodies you never sent.
And the commitment you never kept. 
You never meant to stay... 
How long will you keep running not just from me, but anything meaningful?
When will you stop using people as objects and distractions like a non-stick pan. 

I chose to leave this time before it escalated.
I chose to leave, for I do love you
I left because my love wasn't welcomed.
I left because all I heard was your silence while the laughter you had with another was deafening. 

I have been feeling the ache of loss hoping to find any traces of you to no avail. 
I am still looking for what is missing in my heart everywhere like chasing after a phantom.
But I will hold onto my intuition and conviction
The only way you will ever hear from me again is when you truly realize the gravity of your mistakes. 
Maybe not this life time
Till then, goodbye forever.